2011 in Pictures

Starting the positivity with a post of the fun things I did this year :)

This is really the only photo I have of me doing a fun run this year haha, and you can barely see me! I'm behind the dude with the white shirt and red bits - wearing blue shorts. But this year I ran in three - Bridges 10k, Run for a Reason 14k & City 2 Surf 12k. Next year, many many more races!

Hiked about 100 km of the Bibbulmun Track in Western Australia, in four days. It was stunning.

A sunset on the track.

Another evil hill, this is the part where I would always get separated from the group (That's me in the red jacket).

Looking exhausted on day four (me on the right)

Went to Vietnam, here is where I rode on the back of a motorbike up the Hoi Van Pass... it was about a four or five hour ride and with some amazing scenery.

A sunset on one of the small islands I stayed at overnight in Vietnam. This was one of my favourite nights there. After spending the day picking fruit, cycling around the island and chilling in a hammock... we watched the sunset and then had a traditional Vietnamese dinner. So relaxing.

I stayed in a five star hotel in Vietnam for my birthday, and when I had returned from the day's travelling, the hotel had left me a card, cake and a REAL bunch of roses!! It made me so happy to receive that when away from home :D

Did boot camp for a month. I LOVED it, but it was really inconvenient! 20 km from my home meant that on my busiest uni day I would be getting up at 5 am, driving there, doing the session, driving to uni - changing in the car!! (No showers at uni unless you pay!) and then being at uni from 7 am to 7 pm... driving home... which took another 40 mins. Was a REALLY long day... plus boot camp is super expensive and not feasible on a student budget. But I would love to do it again!

Got back into kickboxing and fought in a novice tournament after being back for one month :) I forgot how much I missed it till I got back, and can't wait to return after Christmas break.

One of the very few skydives I did this year - There was a Christmas themed party where we jumped in santa suits and elf suits, etc. I am the one I suppose you could say "facing" the camera. Was a fantastic day and so good to catch up with people I hadn't seen for months!

I wish I had more photos to share, but I think I got pretty slack with my camera... so there's not too many. I am not making new year's resolutions for 2012, but I hope to run the City 2 Surf half-marathon and to run as many 5k's as I can find. I also hope to adopt a more positive mindset in general, and to take more photos! :)

All or Nothing

This is somewhat of a "negative nancy" or "debbie downer" post *and there may be triggering material*, but I'm getting increasingly frustrated at several things. First, my perfectionist attitude. Last semester at uni, I got all high distinctions, and was upset because they were not 90% high distinctions, but 80%. This semester I know I can't get high distinctions and therefore I don't feel like putting the effort in. What's the point if I can't get the highest mark? I know I've already passed all my topics before the exams, so that motivation isn't there either.

Then I did a fitness test this morning. I got the exact same score for 2.4 km (1.6 miles) of 12:40 mins as I did last year, when I was way more unfit(?) and doing way less running... it just frustrated me, especially as I definitely did not hold back this morning!

Also this morning I weighed myself and I had gained 1kg (2 pounds) from last week. Which makes my BMI now 24.5. (Much too close to overweight category for my liking...) This is beginning to be a really irritating constant struggle for me. Gain, lose, gain, lose, gain, lose, gain... it's the same as maintaining, I suppose, but it's almost like... one week am I doing it right, and the next I'm not? Or is that just normal fluctuation of maintaining? Am I eating enough, too much? Am I exercising enough? What am I doing wrong? Sometimes I think... well, the only thing that has ever worked for me to lose weight has been eating disorders, so maybe I should just do that again. But then my rational brain takes over, and says hell no! No WAY am I going back to that.

Anyway, I know I've lost it healthily before, but that was before I had ever known about calorie counting. I think it's pretty difficult once you have calorie counted for a long time to stop. After all, even if you do stop, you still know the calorie, fat, carb content of the majority of the food you eat from counting it for so long. I've tried stopping so many times, but I can't help but still count in my head. Or I go the other way and eat way too little or too much.

It doesn't even seem to make a difference when I make small changes, like increase intensity of exercise slightly / amount, or eat slightly less, or eat slightly more. I've tried all these little experiments... the main one I did was eating at "maintenance" calories for a month or two - which made me gain two kilos (4.5 pounds) which I just cannot lose again (A really GREAT experiment that was.... :( )

Even when I went on that hike for a week last month, and did 30 hours of hiking in a week.. I lost nothing.

I should not be still obsessed with my weight, because I am supposed to be recovered. I mean, I'm not obsessed the way I used to be... but I think it's just hard the days I weigh myself more than anything. At least now I'm doing exercise because I enjoy it rather than to burn calories. Honestly, I am so deeply in love with running and kickboxing right now. If only I could do it more often than I do! I've been sore a lot lately.

Because I don't like being a negative nancy for too long... I went to the shops for retail therapy... and bought TWO new running shorts, THREE running magazines, and some other stuff. One of my pairs of shorts is fluro orange :D How do you spell fluro, because blogger says that's incorrect?

So one of my plans is to incorporate more HIIT into my training schedule... I'm just not sure where to fit it... this is another problem of mine. How do I fit in one week:

Running x 3  (at the moment just increasing mileage, but eventually want 1 x long, 1 x intervals in that)
Kickboxing x 3
Weights x 2
Swimming x 1 (I use this to work on my breathing / as a recovery)
HIIT x 1
Yoga x 1 (usually after long run day)
Rest day x 1

... That's 11 days worth of workouts! Unless I double up on four of those days, it doesn't really work. There's the all or nothing again... this is kind of what I did before I got my ED - running every day, kickboxing every night.

OK... / end confusing rant.

Feel the fear and do it anyway?

This is probably going to be a long post, as well as a difficult post to write - but it's picture heavy, if that's any consolation. I don't really have many (any?) readers that this will matter too haha, but that might change one day??

There are two mottos I try to live my life by:

1) Feel the fear and do it anyway.

2) Try everything once, twice to make sure.

So the reason behind these two stem from my High School days... where I suffered from severe social anxiety disorder. Now, I do still suffer from it, but I can FUNCTION. Yep. Part of it means I'm always trying to hide who I really am, for fear people won't like me and will reject me. This means:

• I don't let on my opinions about things very often.
• I "agree" with people so to not cause conflict.
• People never really get to know me easily, so while I can make acquaintances very easily, I struggle A LOT going from the acquaintance stage to the friend stage.
• I have never, ever, in my entire life, organised a social outing, party or event - for fear nobody will come, people will say no, etc.
• People often say I'm a "mystery", and while sometimes that can be a good thing, how can anyone ever get close to me when they don't really know me?
• I struggle with eye contact, and feel really uncomfortable.
• I stutter, stumble my words, talk too fast so they all get muddled, and it makes me sound ridiculously dumb.
• Being the centre of attention is my idea of hell.
• Someone watching me do something makes me extremely uncomfortable.
• People in authority make me nervous, and I have an inferiority complex around them - this is kind of the same with people who I think are "better" than me.

And some of the things which used to plague me which I can now handle?

• Just getting up every day to go to school, especially if my one friend was not going - in which case I would hide in the toilets at recess and lunch.
• Oral presentations. I would rather have failed than do them - and did.
• Meeting new people.
• Parties.
• Speaking up in class (although I do get very red)
• Making phone calls
• Small talk

So I have changed a lot... this is due to the fact that I am constantly trying to fight my way out of my comfort zone, constantly trying to face the fear and do it anyway. But I just can't seem to get to the point of what I'd consider normal yet. I guess that's why I'm writing this... sometimes when I write things all out, it makes it seem clearer. At the risk of turning my blog into some kind of journal or diary, I will stop there and live by a motto by facing a fear right now (posting photos of me on my blog). This scares me because I don't want anyone I know in *real life* to find this.

So, here's to opening up about myself... which really freaks me out :(

FACING MY FEARS.............

I like to travel, mostly by myself. Here's me in Vietnam this year on a motorbike ride. (If you go to Vietnam, just try to NOT get on a bike... they hassle you on every corner ;))

This is in New Zealand, where I went hiking on a glacier. That's another thing about me - I love adrenalin (Part of facing the fear!)

In Europe - The Louvre.

In Kuala Lumpur.

Black Water Rafting in New Zealand.

Bungee Jumping in New Zealand.

Zorbing in New Zealand (Going down a big hill in a plastic ball filled with water)

Sand dune-ing?

Europe

Dune buggy-ing

Kickboxing. This is the first thing I did to face the fear when I first saw a therapist in school. She asked me what things I wanted to do but fear was stopping me, and kickboxing was one thing. I started that year and have done it off and on since.

Skydiving. I've since done in 560 times... I don't like to tell people about it because it embarrasses me when they're impressed (???)

Bushwalking. Something I try to do at least one or two times every winter.

The last couple of days I've been in a huge funk. So I went for a long walk to think about things, and as I was thinking about them this was something I thought of - stop hiding who I really am. So I thought I'd begin that by making a blog entry with pictures of me and some of the things I do, and some things about me... it doesn't matter that not many people read this, it doesn't matter that nobody I actually know in person reads this, it's still a step....

Here's a happy picture of me just to make things a little more positive ;P

October Goals & September recap

So here's the goals I had for September, and how I went...

1. Eat something which offers little to no nutritional value once a week 

Had chocolate caramel slice, hot potato chips, a giant sugary muffin and actually loads of stuff on my week away bushwalking... since I didn't have control... and it was OK!

Kinda failed at the rest of these... I think it was kind of hard with the week away and actually starting my goals 10 days into September! Plus cleaning my car is not really a priority!

2. I will complete 2 strength workouts a week - (minus the week away)

3. I will actually follow the 100 pushup plan!

4. I will clean my car... been putting this one off too long :)

So I'm setting some easier goals for October:

1. Reduce the amount of coffee / diet coke I drink - get down to 1 coffee every two days, 1 diet coke a week.

2. Prepare my lunch for the week on the weekend.

3. Actually schedule me-time that isn't exercise related into my study schedule, rather than procrastinating being my me-time.

And that should do it!

So in September I:

Challenged ED thoughts by eating things that had no nutritional value.

Tried pumpkin oats and kombucha

Went for a 90km bushwalk in the beautiful South West of Australia

Beat my 5km personal best time

Rediscovered my love of kickboxing

Wow, it really gives you a boost writing it all out like that and seeing what you've achieved!! 

Oh, and here's this week's plan:

SAT (today): bodypump & yoga

SUN: 6k run

MON: swim?

TUES: run 3km OR spinning (pretty sure you can guess which I will pick..)

WED: weights/bodypump & kickboxing

THURS: swim & kickboxing

FRI: rest

SAT: Run 8km

It will probably change though... it always does!

WIAW #4 & some bushwalking pics

Thanks Peas & Crayons for hosting the party again :D

I had one of those insatiable appetites today, and apart from that pictured, I also had handfuls of nuts, dried blueberries, a bowl of yoghurt, a few pieces of Lindt 85% chocolate, three hot chocolates... oh dear haha. There's something about studying that just makes me eat and eat and eat! I haven't even worked out yet today.

One of the many snacks...

A delicious coffee...

One of two apples eaten today...

Finished the last of my 99% :(

Had another one of these oat bar things today...

Breakfast: oats with soy milk, raw cacao nibs, dried blueberries, cocoa powder, raisins, black chia seeds. Slight variation on my usual :)

Lunch was this pizza, which so did not photograph well! Wholegrain pita bread with basil pesto, mushrooms, baby spinach and parmesan cheese. Didn't have much other vegies so it was just mushrooms and spinach! Oh well, it tasted good!

A picture of the bushwalk down south. So stunning.

A sunset by the atlantic ocean...

My blisters are making it difficult to work out. Wearing shoes hurts, so that rules out the gym and running... I did manage to run anyway yesterday, although it wasn't fun!!! I think I'll have to go off an do a bit of a "home" strength workout in my room later on, all this food and sitting around studying all day is making me feel yuck!

Blisters and Natural beauty?

I'm baaaack...
I had a fantastic time bushwalking through the south west of Australia, it is such an amazingly beautiful part of the world and such untouched beauty!
The four of us got along really well and we had a great time.
In the end, we managed this:
Day 1: 31.2 km (~ 7 hrs)
Day 2: 26.1 km (~ 7 hrs)
Day 3: 22.7 km (9 + hrs)
Day 4: 10 km  (5-6 hrs)
Total: 90 km.
The reasons for the progressively slower timings?? Bad planning... Me and the other girl on the trip had horrendous blisters by the end of day 1, which just slowly got worse. One of the other guys stuffed up his knees. So the three of us pretty much limped about 60 km of that entire walk. It is the furtherest I have ever pushed my body beyond pain. We were seriously walking less than 2 km an hour by the last day, and it was really, really slow going. I am really pleased with the fact that even with painful blisters and really tight calves, we still pushed our bodies, still kept going and it was really amazing how much your body will put up with!
I also saw my first snake in the wild and didn't totally lose it, although I did scream one night on a trip to the long-drop toilet when I heard a noise as I opened the door.
The terrain was constantly changing - beginning with tall trees and fallen leaves underfoot, changing to beach flora and fauna and constant undulating terrain - enough to drive you batty. Seriously, the day of 22.7 km (day 3) was so painful. There was about 3+ hours of non-stop up-down-up-down-up-down the sand dunes, and one GIGANTIC mountain of a sand dune which was like, 1 km long and took us about an hour!! It is seriously hard work climbing those dunes!
I was planning to upload some pictures but I'm short for time. So this will do for now.
Oh, and despite over 30 hours of exercise in one week, I lost only 1 kilogram. I'd like to hope that means that I ate well enough to support all the exercise, but I know that I actually didn't eat enough... so what is going on there, I don't know, but I feel better about myself anyway and lots of cardiovascular fitness likely gained from the endless hills!

Ahh, and for this week?
Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Yoga & 3 km easy run (not sure how this will go due to one blister on my big toe being infected and extremely large...?)
Wednesday: BodyPump
Thursday: Hill run 3km
Friday: cross/trainer & BodyPump
Saturday: swimming 30 mins
Sunday: 5km race

Turtle slowly catching up to the hare!

This week I didn't keep a very good log of what I did, as I got a bit lazy with everything except running!
But in saying that...
Monday: rest
Tuesday: 3km run, 3km walk
Wednesday: rest
Thursday: rest
Friday: rest
Saturday 3km run, 3km walk
Sunday 3km run, 3km walk

So 3 runs and 3 walks, I don't mind being lazy this week since next week I'll be doing 110 km of walking with a big pack on my back :)

Yesterday's and today's runs were awesome. I felt way faster than usual and it showed in my timings. I tried a few things on each run, such as counting in my head "1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2" which actually worked, trying to keep a better posture, and also splitting my "outing" up with a 10 min walk, then the 3km run, then the 10 km walk, so "warmup" and "cooldown". I think the combination of these things all helped, and I feel sooo good! Yay!!!!

I'm all packed and ready to go for tomorrow morning, it's a 5 hour drive and then we're chilling out in a hostel for the night before starting up the first day with a fairly easy 17 or 19 km walk (forget which?)

The weather looks like it might rain... every day... but at least that means it will be warmer at night. I've got the beanies and thermals packed anyway, especially as my sleeping bag SUCKS and I could not afford a new one.

Oh, and fitness plan for this week?

Monday: rest OR yoga
Tuesday: 17.5km bushwalk
Wednesday: 39.8 km bushwalk
Thursday: 22.7 km bushwalk
Friday: 19.9 km bushwalk
Saturday: 21.1 km bushwalk
Sunday: rest OR yoga

Hoping to come back feeling nice and fit!!

Ahh and slight confession... I also ate this today:

It was one of my favourites from back in the day, but had since been banned due to its sugar / fat content. Well, let's just say today I thoroughly enjoyed it and did not punish myself for it, or go on an all out binge after eating it :) So proud! (And soooo tasty...)

September Goals

September Goals

Hey so I'm only 10 days late... so we'll call this challenge a 3 week one - no, two, because next week I'm away all week bushwalking.

1. In my never-ending journey to eat like a normal person, I shall eat something which offers little to no nutritional value once a week (Thursday at uni, most likely), just because it looks nice and tastes good - so that's two times this month. Preferably something I used to enjoy pre-ED.

2. I will complete 2 strength workouts a week - (minus the week away)

3. I will actually follow the 100 pushup plan!

4. I will clean my car... been putting this one off too long :)

That should be enough. Anymore and it will just add to my never-ending uni stress. Today I spent roughly seven hours... yep... smashing out some work. On the plus side, I got heaps done. 

Also managed a really enjoyable 3km run this morning, it was such a beautiful day! Thinking of another one tomorrow... then Monday heading off!

Some things I ate today:

One of these oat - almond meal - banana bars, microwaved for 30 seconds till it goes mushy...

And a pumpkin - almond - brazil nut - cashew muffin... 

Yes... I eat way too many nut products in my day, but theyaresodelicious!

WIGTOW? (What I'm going to eat Wednesday)

Woo, time for some more What I Ate Wednesday shenanigans thanks to Peas & Crayons.So I didn't have much that was of interest today, apart from a bit too much of this (recycled pictures...)

Three coffees.... and one tea.

Peanut butter and apricot jam open sandwiches

And I had OIAJ again...

So... today's entry will be What I'm going to eat next Wednesday :) Next Wednesday I will be doing a hike of about 40 km (this will be the longest day of a five day hike), so I've planned quite a few yummy things to eat, although I suspect I may be too exhausted to eat at the end of it :P

Here's some of the things I've thought of so far:

A few nut bars

A big pack of dried fruit - includes prunes, apricots, apples, pears and peaches. I think I might pick up some cranberries and goji berries too, and some seeds and nuts and mix it all in together. Maybe some dark choc chips too??

A couple of RAW energy bars - I have a few of these stashed away, the top one I think has spirulina and stuff in it, so that's one way to get your greens without a fridge!!

A pack of couscous, mum bought this for me... I was planning on going all raw and natural foods so that I feel good (+ added bonus of not having to carry a stove or matches) but this might be nice one night when we're at a proper camp...

Rice cakes!! Planning on covering them with PB...

This awesome looking raw muesli I found in the health food store the other day. It has sprouted grains and stuff and is made locally. Yum.

The all important ingredient... one with a plastic container. And of course I've already started eating some to "lighten" the container for next week ;)

I may or may not take these... they tend to be on the heavier side, so if I do take some I will eat on the first few days. 

I'm also thinking the first morning when I'm at home I'll have for breakfast: avocado on toast with vegemite, and a berry/spinach smoothie... to try and get some good nutrients in me before we begin :D

So if you're reading this... do you have any other suggestions for deliciously healthy food that can be taken on the trail, and doesn't weigh much?

On another note... I'm struggling a lot with my motivation lately. I was going to join a local running group today, but then I psyched myself out by the fact that "everyone will be way better / faster than me and look at me like, 'what is she doing here?' and didn't go. I then didn't have any motivation for anything else either. 

I think I'm just really overworked from uni that I just want to sit and do absolutely nothing once I'm done. I spend so many hours studying that when I actually get a chance to do something else, it's like, I don't want to. The lack of parking at the gym lately is making it difficult too. As Nike says though, I should JUST DO IT. I guess today I might just give up on it and have a rest day, relax, watch some TV and then begin again tomorrow.