Friday, November 25, 2011


I'm seriously struggling with constantly being around people, especially as I have a severe personality clash with one of them. It has totally ruined the experience out here. I just binged on 1000 cals worth of muesli - the first binge I've had in months. I am truly miserable :(

I almost never dont get along with people, mainly because I put myself out there in a way that makes it hard for people to have a problem with me / I don't argue, put forward opinions, or tell people much about me. Part of perfectionism I think, can't stand people disliking me.

When we first had words, I cried half the day and cried myself to sleep. I usually cry less than once a year. I vowed to apologize the next day, even though I had essentially done nothing wrong. But the next day he was even Nastier, so I crawled into my shell and said nothing. Since then I have hidden out in my sleeping bag and not said much to anyone.

The days drag along, with two hour shifts every six hours and nothing to do between but feel sorry for myself and sleep.

Everyone is planning drinks at the end, but no one has actually spoken to me about it, in fact I walked past as they mentioned it and then it went quiet. I feel so alone. It's like high school all over again.

I'm thinking when I get home I will see about seeing someone again. My social anxiety has slowly been coming back this year, and something like this experience has really hurt my confidence a lot.

Set about to challenge myself and only dig the hole deeper, story of my life.

Also - haven't done any exercise at all because of where we are, and can't - only serves to make me sadder.


  1. I am so sorry you are having this experience. I tend to get along with others as well also but sometimes people make up their mind as to who you are and how they will treat you and your only defense is to just be you. It sounds so simple and trite but really what else can you do? I really do believe eventually people see you for you and not what others put on you.

  2. This sounds really hard--just know that you are NOT alone in this experience. I can relate to what you're saying, and have gone through one or two similar experiences. Just stay strong, and remember to do whatever makes you feel comforted...a warm and soft blanket + chick flicks, a hot cocoa, a morning walk...