Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Feel the fear and do it anyway?

This is probably going to be a long post, as well as a difficult post to write - but it's picture heavy, if that's any consolation. I don't really have many (any?) readers that this will matter too haha, but that might change one day??

There are two mottos I try to live my life by:
1) Feel the fear and do it anyway.
2) Try everything once, twice to make sure.

So the reason behind these two stem from my High School days... where I suffered from severe social anxiety disorder. Now, I do still suffer from it, but I can FUNCTION. Yep. Part of it means I'm always trying to hide who I really am, for fear people won't like me and will reject me. This means:
  • I don't let on my opinions about things very often.
  • I "agree" with people so to not cause conflict.
  • People never really get to know me easily, so while I can make acquaintances very easily, I struggle A LOT going from the acquaintance stage to the friend stage.
  • I have never, ever, in my entire life, organised a social outing, party or event - for fear nobody will come, people will say no, etc.
  • People often say I'm a "mystery", and while sometimes that can be a good thing, how can anyone ever get close to me when they don't really know me?
  • I struggle with eye contact, and feel really uncomfortable.
  • I stutter, stumble my words, talk too fast so they all get muddled, and it makes me sound ridiculously dumb.
  • Being the centre of attention is my idea of hell.
  • Someone watching me do something makes me extremely uncomfortable.
  • People in authority make me nervous, and I have an inferiority complex around them - this is kind of the same with people who I think are "better" than me.
And some of the things which used to plague me which I can now handle?
  • Just getting up every day to go to school, especially if my one friend was not going - in which case I would hide in the toilets at recess and lunch.
  • Oral presentations. I would rather have failed than do them - and did.
  • Meeting new people.
  • Parties.
  • Speaking up in class (although I do get very red)
  • Making phone calls
  • Small talk
So I have changed a lot... this is due to the fact that I am constantly trying to fight my way out of my comfort zone, constantly trying to face the fear and do it anyway. But I just can't seem to get to the point of what I'd consider normal yet. I guess that's why I'm writing this... sometimes when I write things all out, it makes it seem clearer. At the risk of turning my blog into some kind of journal or diary, I will stop there and live by a motto by facing a fear right now (posting photos of me on my blog). This scares me because I don't want anyone I know in *real life* to find this.

So, here's to opening up about myself... which really freaks me out :(

FACING MY FEARS.............

I like to travel, mostly by myself. Here's me in Vietnam this year on a motorbike ride. (If you go to Vietnam, just try to NOT get on a bike... they hassle you on every corner ;))

This is in New Zealand, where I went hiking on a glacier. That's another thing about me - I love adrenalin (Part of facing the fear!)

In Europe - The Louvre.

In Kuala Lumpur.

Black Water Rafting in New Zealand.

Bungee Jumping in New Zealand.

Zorbing in New Zealand (Going down a big hill in a plastic ball filled with water)

Sand dune-ing?


Dune buggy-ing

Kickboxing. This is the first thing I did to face the fear when I first saw a therapist in school. She asked me what things I wanted to do but fear was stopping me, and kickboxing was one thing. I started that year and have done it off and on since.

Skydiving. I've since done in 560 times... I don't like to tell people about it because it embarrasses me when they're impressed (???)

Bushwalking. Something I try to do at least one or two times every winter.

The last couple of days I've been in a huge funk. So I went for a long walk to think about things, and as I was thinking about them this was something I thought of - stop hiding who I really am. So I thought I'd begin that by making a blog entry with pictures of me and some of the things I do, and some things about me... it doesn't matter that not many people read this, it doesn't matter that nobody I actually know in person reads this, it's still a step....

Here's a happy picture of me just to make things a little more positive ;P


  1. wow you've done a whole lot of traveling! The last pic of you is awesome :)

    What I loved about this post is how much you've pushed yourself to step outside your comfort zones. Your taking huge steps in the right direction!

  2. Your super adventurous, I want to be more adventurous I'm not a huge risk taker! It looks like you are super well travelled :)

  3. All of these things are beyond awesome and brave! I want to do more solo travel, but don't even know how to begin. And blogs are all about being who you are without having to worry about it, so go ahead and post as you please :D

  4. Wow I am impressed by all of your traveling! you are amazing and so brave! Thank you for sharing this :)

  5. Sooo you're the coolest person I've ever met. Zorbing sounds wild! I love the skyediving picture too - I definitely want to try it someday.
    I used to suffer from terrible social anxiety too, so I feel ya. It's still a battle for me too, and I always have to challenge myself to keep myself from going back to my old ways. Some days are harder than others, but I believe we can make it through. You're a truly amazing person, and you shouldn't let any of the doubts in your mind get in the way of that!!

  6. I love doing new things and if that means facing a fear, so be it. :) Love the photos!

  7. Um, how cool is your life? You've done more in your 20-something years, heck, in the last 10 years, than most do in a lifetime. Wow. I'm impressed!

  8. Zorbing? I've never even heard of that! And now I want to try it... You've packed a whole lot of travel and living into your life already. Do you find it hard to travel alone if you're uncomfortable meeting new people? Do you end up hooking up with other travellers, or do you prefer to just be on your own? (Sorry...I'm generally an overly curious person.)